Start with the condition, not the lecture.
Before deciding what the child should understand, look at what is actually happening. What are they doing, avoiding, repeating, asking, or getting upset about? That is usually a better starting point than the adult’s preferred lesson.
Find the question underneath it.
A child may not state the real question neatly. “I don’t care,” “that’s stupid,” silence, or an argument can sometimes sit on top of a much simpler confusion. Ask one question at a time and give the child room to answer in their own words.
A Question to Try
“What part of this is hardest to think about?”
Use a story as a third point of attention.
Talking directly about the child can feel personal very quickly. Talking first about what happened to a character gives both of you something outside yourselves to look at together. The child can disagree with the character, defend them, or notice something the adult missed.
The Kellan connection
This condition is part of the story territory behind The Question Nobody Asked. The goal is not to give Kellan a perfect speech. It is to let him meet the condition, look at it, and discover something for himself.
See the Kellan Story List →